The last week has been mentally, physically and spiritually draining. It’s not my home life, it all has to do with my job. I attempt my best to report to work with a clear mind and positive thoughts. No matter how hard I try to keep my head clear halfway through my shift I become angry, annoyed and frustrated. There are some things I just can’t ignore. At the end of the day, I feel like I’m the only one that cares.
I can’t count on my fingers how many times this week I’ve said, “I’m just going to walk away after this shift is over.” Seriously, I’ve thought about handing in my badge, not caring about my license as a CNA and just giving up. Unfortunately, anywhere else I go for employment, the same thing is going to rear its ugly head. So, I know it’s not the solution.
In addition, there would be a significant pay cut. But my own employer has just sent a notice out stating our pay rates are about to change, “Your supervisor will inform you of the changes beginning October 1st.” Another person implied we would be getting raises to accommodate the loss of differential pay. So, for now, we’re left in the dark.
As much as management applauds the work that I do, I take their words with a grain of salt. I do what I do because I’m required to do so by the State of New York. But the expectations of the other employees is not the same. People do whatever they wish to do without any consequences because they know management won’t do anything about it. They can come in late, leave halfway through a double shift, call off or even do a no call no show. When they report back to work they still have their job. One employee who complained recently was told, “Right now we have other priorities to take care of…” For me, such a statement implies management does not care about the employees.
I’m back in this revolving wheel of work, eat, sleep then do the same thing the next day. I’m too tired physically, mentally and spiritually to do anything else. My days off consist of moping around the house like a chicken with no head because I can’t concentrate on one thing.
I’ve been at my job a whole year, as of today. I’m not sure if I can survive yet another. Perhaps it’s time I look at other alternatives.