We all experience loss of those we love. Whether it’s a parent, grandparent or another family member even pets. Many have lived their life to the fullest, as in my case. Heart, my cat I’ve had since July, is in the final stages of her life. It’s heart-wrenching to watch but I know it’s time.
A lot of tears are flowing down my cheeks since I was awakened to her cold nose rubbing against mine. Heart, my cat, never does that in the morning. Usually, it’s a cry or howl, “Hey I want to be fed.” But as soon as I realized she had shortness of breath, I knew it wouldn’t be much longer.
She now rests near me in her final moments; her breathing is getting shallower and she hasn’t moved. I have told her how much I love her and will miss her, stroking her side lightly through the process. While this is a heart-wrenching process to watch, its not something I’m unfamilar with as a Certified Nursing Assistant. But when it’s one of your own, it is much harder.
I have chosen to stay by her side for comfort. My employer has already been called out of respect for my fellow employees (who honesty I don’t give a rats ass about right now). I want her to know how much I love her and it’s okay to go. With a little whip of her tail, I know she is comforted.
I am heart-broken right now, knowing her life is close to an end. It’s painful. But would drinking help relieve my pain? No, not at all. It would just make matters worse. I could drink myself to my own death, pass out and miss her final moments or be completely selfish and be in my own world of drunkedness.
Today, I’m grateful to be by her side – sober.