The whole month of October continues to be a difficult one for me. Mostly all job related has added much stress in my life. I suffered a TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack) or “mini-stroke” back in May 2011, as a result of my addiction. While I’ve tried to change my lifestyle (i.e. losing weight, eating healthy, starting a fitness routine, etc.), I have not been really proactive at it on a daily basis. Thankfully, I have a three day weekend. Therefore, I’m going to continue a sabbatical from this blog and concentrate on my spirituality. Things need to change very quickly.
My blood pressure is up 20 points which concerns me. I know I have too much stress in my life (as documented here). There are times when my anger gets ahold of me and I haven’t had that happen, as it does now, in many years. I’m now fearing for my job as four people have been terminated in the last week. So hearing this adds much more added pressure.
Since I moved to my new home, I have not had the chance to set up a new Primary Care Provider. While I would like to stay with United Healthcare Systems (because all my history is there), I’m also thinking to change to something different. Right now I”m leaning on staying with UHS due to the current situation. However, doing so would require a “new patient visit” and a “follow up appointment”. Thankfully my current meds are still renewed through my old PCP. The point is I need to get the ball rolling on a new PCP.
I have not dealt with the death of Heart, my cat, well either. Many days I’m more depressed than anything because I have no one to talk to or care for. While I promised myself I would do so when I moved in July, I really haven’t. Instead, my concentration was on Heart. Now that Heart is gone, its hard to move the focus back to me. I’m not sure if I’ve gone through all the grieving stages.
I need to revisit all of the 12 Steps. I have grown complacent in the last couple of months not truly “living the program”. That needs to change before something drastic happens to my sobriety.
I’m almost ONE MONTH from TEN YEARS of sobriety. I’m NOT going to through it all away. Right now, I have that choice but if things progress down the road I’m going, I may not be here at all.