This is a continuation of the last post – Round 2 – Sober Day 4 . . .
I got screwed but I have to accept the consequences of my decisions. As mentioned in the previous post, recent events turned my life upside down. This morning I woke up, clear headed, to make a decision to cut all ties. It’s been done. I’m rising about it all.
Even before I dialed his number, I knew how this conversation was going to pan out. For the couple of minutes we talked it was all about him, more lies and placing blame on me. However, I kept my cool and my boundaries.
The guy who left stole from me draining my bank accounts and taking my rent money. I knew about the bank account because I let him do it. I take responsibility for it. The rent money I didn’t find out about until last night when I noticed the place I keep it was disturbed. I never told him I had cash of any kind on me because I always use my debit card. I know I should be calling the cops right now but I’m not because it’s not going to help me nor will it help anyone else. Yes, it may help prevent him from doing it to others but right now, I have to keep the focus on me. I don’t need to be distracted or add more drama to my life right now.
I remember my ex-Sponsor saying, “I want you to be honest with me but more importantly be honest with yourself at all times.” Now, I have learned there are times to be honest with others and times you should not. This is a time I need to be honest with my landlord. So, the next right thing to do was to call the landlord to give him the bad news. I didn’t know what to expect but again, I am accepting all consequences of my decisions. After giving the details he has agreed to extend my rent date to the 15th of March with a late fee.
I called my sister who, in the past, I haven’t had an ideal relationship. In the past, I have called her for money (and paid back) but it was going to start at square one again due to the relapse. I wasn’t calling for money at all, I was calling to tell her exactly what has hppened. This guy has agreed to NOT come to my house for any reason unless I make a specific committment of date and time. But he’s an addict, a resourceful one, so I have my doubts. That was the basis of our conversation.
There was doubt in her voice. Doubt I would keep sobriety, doubt I was telling a lie. Trust I had built up with her in my ten years of sobriety, all gone. I’m okay with it, honestly. I understand. However, it was nice to bouce ideas off her on what I should do in regards to this guy. We came to the conclusion “there is really nothing you can do”. Something I didn’t keep true in my ten years of previous sobriety was keeping in contact with her. I will make it a point in this new journey to do that on a consistent basis.
Making a Committment
Right here and now I am making a committment to myself to stay sober and live a sober life to the best of my ability. Why “to the best of my ability”? I live more than 30 miles from an AA meeting (I perfer in person meetings, NOT online – I can’t see a persons face to see if they are actually geniune.) I’m in the position of not being able to do much.
I will not be able to attend a meeting until I get an income. While I expect some income from the last job on Friday, I’m not expecting much. It may be enough to get me back and forth to work for the rest of the week at the least, I simply don’t know.
Perhaps I should investigate online meetings – readers please comment!
On a positive note, after I quit my job on Tuesday of last week, I got another job on Thursday. I start with orientation today (in an hour and a half). I was told I’ll be working with a particular person (whom I worked with before) from 3-11. I have to work day shift (7 a.m. to 3 p.m. a day, a couple of days, I’m not sure. Whether I have to work with weekend is another qestion mark. Typically, new employees are exempt working weekends during probation or at least one. I’m not sure who this facility works that out but its a question I’m going to ask today. One of many questions.
In the meantime, I am going to get my head back into the Big Book and start reading it, especially the first 164 pages. Already it is hard to go through this with a fresh start, but I’m going to
try start this new journey on a clean slate. I’m going to force myself to think as “you know nothing”. Obviously, I don’t – I drank and the consequences of that making stupid deicisons.
I will continue with this blog. Obviously, I need to make some revisions. But, first and foremost, I will write about what is going on. This blog has always been about my thoughts, feelings, a journal of my life. I’m not a writer. So, if you’ve been with me this long, please stick around. However, if you tired of “newbie” blogs, I completely understand.