Today is my fourth full day of sobriety.
I woke up today a completely different person. In recent days there were a series of events I’ve kept to myself because I thought I could handle it alone. I’ve known this is the wrong decision from the beginning, but what was done is done. I, as well as many addicts and recovering addicts deal with issues of codependency. Codependency for me is the process of helping others because you think by doing so you’re helping yourself. Instead, you just ignoring yourself, your own sobriety and making matters worse believing by “fixing” another person’s problems you’re fixing yourself. We’ll all absolutely wrong to think it!
A Brief History
Last week, when I was still drinking, I picked up a friend because he was kicked out of his house, no where to go, sober and needed a place to stay to “clear his head”. Without a thought I made the long trip to pick him up to bring him home. Actually, my thought was, if he’s sober, he can help me get sober. But deep down inside something wasn’t right and I ignored it. Typical when your in active addiction. A couple days later my world has been turned upside down. I’m going through the same situation I have gone through before, years ago.
Yesterday, after much frustration, I confronted him. He’s not sober at all. Thankfully today, he’s back at his parent’s house trying to swindle them instead of me. So now I have resentment, guilt, shame and a host of other feelings. But I know what must be done.
This is going to be the first big step in my new life of sobriety. I will NOT guarantee things will go smoothly. My ex-sponsor always said, “Don’t expect anything because if you do and it doesn’t work out, you’re going to be disappointed which leads to resentment.” But my experience has taught me, when you’re trying to get sober yourself, it’s best to cut all ties.
The Focus Right Now is ME and MY soberity
First, thank you bgddyjim, the author of another sober blog I read (Fit Recovery, Stay Clean Get Fit). In a recent comment, bgddyjim (the author) commented on a post of mine:
“…without recovery none of that other crap matters.
The job, the apartment or home, the wifeand kids…
without recovery none of that stuff is possible.”
If I want to stay sober, the focus needs to be ME. Perhaps I’m wrong to think this – when it comes to my sobriety, nothing else matters but ME. Already is my first couple days of my sobriety, I have enough issues. Everything else doesn’t matter right now.