As I look back at the last week of my new sobriety, I can honestly say not once did I think about drinking. It hasn’t crossed my mind in a single thought, craving or dream. An old friend I use to work with in recovery told me, “…it was just a hiccup. It sounds like you have a solid plan, just don’t deviate from it.” However, I can’t say life is like hot apple pie and ice cream.
The environment at work is completely different from what I’m use to in the past. This facility has many more residents (60) on my floor alone. I’m learning already, as with all facilities, there are staffing issues, personality conflicts, shift conflicts, etc. But as I begin to learn their policies, procedures, methods and routines, I’m also taking the higher road to ignore it all.
It’s actually a more laid back environment. While there is a mix of residents due to construction at the facility, many of the residents are independent long term residents. There is no rush to get people up and ready for the day. Despite what each shift says about each other, teamwork actually exists here. It’s not always smooth sailing but the insanity I went through in the past is almost non-existent. For now, though I’m sure it will change in time, I’m relaxed and comfortable.
At home is another story. As the income just trickles in, the fear sets in. While I’m working paycheck to paycheck until I get things caught up, the financial peace I seek just can’t come soon enough. The scattered glass is still in a huge pile in the middle of the floor with only few pieces put back together. At time I feel like I’m on a tightrope with one wrong step and I fall 100 feet into a dark abyss. But as the old friend assured me, “…you’re strong. You’ll pull through this. Learn from your mistakes and move forward.”
I’m just thankful I was able to pull out of my relapse in a short time. If I had continued down that dark path for much longer, I may have not been able to come back. But here I am. I’m proud of myself for getting this far.