When I was ten years sober, days flew by without a thought. Again, only two weeks sober, I can’t believe only ONE thought of drinking crossed my mind. As with my past, I made a committment to myself to stay sober at whatever cost. But as life throws fast balls, curve balls and the such, at times it can be difficult. Yet, if I use the tools of the AA program, I will see the light at the end of the tunnel in dark times like now.
Back in February when I quit my job, I knew I would have financial difficulties. Then the bomb dropped after making a bad decision. So here I am. While it doesn’t have me down the anxiety I feel can be overwhelming at times, almost stopping me in my feet.
Perhaps its not anxiety at all but fear? Fear I won’t be able to keep the promise to the landlord. While I should be able to meet my financial obligations, I have other financial obligations which can’t be ignored. I just don’t know how I’m going to do it all. I trust my Higher Power will take care of me. For now that is all I got.
I know damn well I need to get to meetings. I don’t like excuses but I’m babying the use of my car at present. It’s the middle of Winter. I have bald tires on the front (and its front wheel drive), an alignment needs to be done, oil change and it appears I may have broken a weld which was a short fix to a muffler problem. But I keep trying to remind myself – I can get through this.
For my first weekend off I pretty much stayed at home. With the Winter storm that came through, there was no immediate need to go anywhere. So I ended up binging on Blood Bloods on Netflix. I also got back into playing an old MUD (Multi-player User Dungoen) text-character based game which doesn’t cost money, for now. Between the two my two days went by quickly. I’m glad because I rather work to keep myself busy so I don’t worry about my personal life for now.
I do have faith I will get through this but the selfish part of me wants all said and done to be NOW. Yet, the sober part of me knows better than travel down that path.