I’ve always descibed “life” as a flowing river with us (either the active/recovering addict) standing on a stepping stone in the middle. No matter what, life is going to go around us no matter how many dams we try to build to stop its flow. In early sobriety life doesn’t suddenly reset. Many times we have to make some life changing, hard decisions.
Back in 2007, when I first got sober, I made a decision to acccept a new path ahead of me. We (or professionals) talk about “changing people, places and things”. But doing so for many of us isn’t an option. I was given the chance at the time and flew with it. Allowing others to make the right decisions for me, when I didn’t know how was the best decision of my life.
However, today I’m on the other side of the coin. I don’t have those choices. I simply can’t drop everything and everyone to start a new life in sobriety. Luckily I still have a job, transportation to that job and a roof over my head. Others are not so lucky. For me, I’ve made bad decisions in my early sobriety this time around but I vowed to accept the consequences of my decisions. Making such decisions is not an easy task.
After a couple days of stewing the thought in my mind I finally picked up the phone and send a message to my sister to ask for a short term loan. I didn’t want to, at all. I had no more tears to run down my face. It was either do it or don’t. She kindly responded she would discuss it with her husband and get back to me. While that may be so, I still have no expectations. I don’t want to build hope she will bail me out because if she doesn’t pull through I’m just going to be disappointed. Instead I plan ahead as if I hadn’t asked and let my HP take control.
Another decision was made to start working more hours at work. This was another difficult decision. But I have to sacrifice part of my life to pay the bills, especially at this time. I just need to remember not to over do it. So I only have worked one double shift (16 hours) yesterday. This week I haven’t decided to do it again.
“Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us
– sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them.”
Alcoholics Anonymous pages 83 and 84
Reprinted from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
with permission of A.A. World
While I may not hold any expectations of coming events, I do have hope . . .