Currently it’s 65°F. We haven’t seen temperatures in this range in a long, long, long time. I’ve decided to simply call the past winter, “The Long Winter of 2018” because it felt like it would never end; we had accumulating snow just the other day. It was an especially rough Winter for me too physically, mentally and spiritually. I’m just glad its over. Now to look toward the future.
After I let a friend take my car to take care of some business it was returned in a horrible state. The “friend” is no longer around nor do I care to see him in the future. There is my part in the whole affair I take responsibility for, however forgiveness in this matter is NOT going to come soon. Ever day I PRAY I simply get to work and home. I simply don’t have the money to get the necessary repairs (the whole brake system is messed up).
In addition, I’ve been in a financial mess for a couple of months. Finally, after some hard work I’ve started to get my finances back in order. I’m not out of the woods yet but I “can see the light at the end of the tunnel” as long as I stick to the plan I set for with.
With my recent relapses, my life has spun out of control. I knew this was going to happen but I simply “let [my] will run riot”. I just gave up having no hope there was any relief in the future. After sitting on the pity pot I finally picked myself up, brushed off the dust and concentrated on me. I’ve made a commitment to myself to get myself back to where I was. It’s going to be a hard road to walk. Just in the last couple of months, there is a lot of garbage I’ve collected, yet again. I’m looking forward to getting back involved in the recovery community and clearing it all away.
Another promise I made to myself was to ONLY work a double (16 hours) once per week. Last week I fell into my own trap, “I need the money, I’ll be okay.” While the extra money has helped, I have taken hard hits physically, mentally and spiritually. As I come closer to half a century in my life, I have to remember I’m not able to do what seems so easy for these young people I work with. My body just can’t take the lack of sleep, the physical demand of standing 16 hours going from the end of one hallway, then another and yet another all evening and night. Lastly, it’s mentally exhausting and I just give up doing stupid things. Money wasn’t important to me during the ten years I was sober. It shouldn’t be now either.
I actually got out of the house for the first time all Winter. It was just on my porch but it was a start. While I have a few things around the house, basically Spring Cleaning which should have been done a long time ago, I’m going to make the time to take a walk later. Just down the end of the road and back. I just want to begin to fill my lungs with the the nice spring fresh air. Next weekend I have off from work, so I’m going to plan a trip to one of the State parks to see the waterfalls.
I’m not going to beat myself up about my past. What is done is done. I’m moving forward and making every future moment of it count.
Time for some Spring Cleaning . . .