Am I Imagining Things?

I was livid an hour ago. It wasn’t my imagination. Yet my roommate swears at times he “hears things go bump in the night”. I physically got up, got dressed to a hear a person pounding at our door at 6:45 a.m. Answered the door to have no one there. So am I imagining things? Highly doubtful. It’s not turning out to be a relaxing weekend.

My Sponsor asked me to start my fourth step. I started yesterday morning only to have all these feelings come welling up. For now, I had to take a break. I’m doing okay, talking to other addicts and using both Fellowships to get me through this. I see my Sponsor physically during the day, so he’s been checking in with me too. It’s what it should be:

Step Four is our vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what these liabilities in each of us have been, and are.

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 42

My roommate and his now ex-girlfriend are having a bad break up. Past experience I would dive in to “fix” both of them because I was the one needing “fixing. I remind myself of the first step in that Fellowship:

“We admitted we were powerless over others – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Step One – The Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous

Lastly, my horoscope for today:

Fasten your seat belt and prepare for deeply buried feelings to unexpectedly surface today. Emotions take many shapes and forms, and there’s really nothing you can do about them other than to set them free when appropriate and hold onto them when necessary. Your challenge is to decide which way to go now. Carefully consider the effects any sudden revelations might have on loved ones. Some things can’t be unsaid or undone. Err on the side of kindness and you can’t go wrong.

Source: Tarot.com

Now the mind games – is this all real or am I imagining things? Did I “create this reality myself”? Perhaps. While talking to another on Friday I said, “I have a feeling, as I recognize my Higher Power, telling me this is going to be a rocky weekend.” Therefore, I must have unconsciously manifested these events. Honestly, even for me, that concept is really out there. It is just what it is – temporary events in my life.

After all is said and done, I have to look at just today. There is a meeting in the morning and at night. I have some Step work to do this afternoon. But even before diving into a self-inventory – I need a nap! So, that’s the plan.

The past is written in stone, it can’t be changed. The future hasn’t been written yet. Don’t expect anything. Otherwise, you’re only disappointing yourself. Just live in the present and enjoy what live has to offer.

– MK (me)

One thought on “Am I Imagining Things?

  1. It’s normal for Fourth Step work to dredge up some old emotions. My second Fourth was especially bad. I was miserable. Still, I pushed through it and was finally free once I did my Fifth. Keep at it, man. The prize on the other side is freedom and that $#!+ is beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

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