This is absurd. I don’t know you and you don’t know me and we are not having this conversation at all. You are rude and uncouth, and presumptuous, and I am leaving now . . . You are so annoying. !Titanic (1997)
I love this dialogue from the Titanic movie (About 2 minutes, 30 seconds). That describes the start of my day. Only I wanted to commit murder! First thought, wrong thought, right?
I was awaken by a knock on my front door at 7:45 am. A
douchbag, scum of the earth (**cough**) neighbor knocking on the door asking for a cigarette, again. He proceeds to ask, “Oh did I wake you?” when I’m dressed in no shirt, sweatpants and no glasses. My mind, “WTF, do you think I’m trying to start a new fashion trend? F**k off! Instead, I politely said, “What are you doing? No I don’t.” Then for the next minute of two I had to endure is lightning speed apologies up and down. While he is in the same residential program I am, it’s common knowledge the guy, who just got back from detox, is hooking up with another neighbor for drugs. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do but say, “Please don’t ask again, ever.”
Now I’m pissed. I’m a person once I wake up there is no going back to sleep. I didn’t go to sleep until 3 a.m. because I was enjoying playing my game in silence for once. Since I had a book to return to the library, I took a walk. By the time I got home I felt much better. So I started my morning routine. Doing so, I am reminded of the 4th Step of AA. I need to practice tolerance, pity and patience with people who are perhaps sicker than me. Sometimes that’s a tall order in itself!
On the positive side of life . . .
I received a notice from an app, today I am seven months sober. What? Holy guacamole! It seems like I just started this new journey the other day across the street. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I was going to survive but here I am working on myself, one day at a time.
Yesterday, I was asked to speak at a local rehabilitation center on Friday night. Despite my early sobriety, the person cleared it with the facility (before even asking me). As always, it’s an honor to share my experience, strength and hope.
As I look back in the seven months, I have worked on so much and changed in unbelievable ways. Though I haven’t done the Steps in CoDA (CoDependents Anonymous), I work on those issues daily. I’m more aware and take action to ensure I don’t slip back in those behaviors. Right now, my Sponsor and I are working Steps Seven, Eight and Nine. So hopefully today, if I’m not selfish playing my game, I’ll take a few hours to work on those Steps while the other two roommates are out doing their things today. Working with guys from the halfway house isn’t frustrating as it was in the past. I recognize I can only share my experiences and how I stayed sober in my past and today. The decision to stay sober themselves is up to them, not me. Lately, there has been quite a turnaround, so we have some new faces. There have been many disappointments, as others I had high expectations. It is what it is.
I can only keep myself sober today.