“excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.”
I would have been eleven years sober today if it wasn’t for my relapse in April 2018. Could of, would of, should of . . . I don’t beat myself up about it. It happened. I can’t change the past. I need to concentrate on moving forward. However, what I learned in the last ten years of my sobriety is for me to stay sober I must develop codependency skills.
In 2008, when I was in treatment for the first time for my alcoholism, a counselor pointed out a huge part of my life revolved around others, therefore causing more harm than good in my own life. I had never heard of the term codependency. She asked me to read, “Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself” by Melody Beattie. Just after two pages of opening her book I thought, “Oh my God, this book is all about me!”
During all those years of sobriety I didn’t take action on my part when my codependency problems cropped up. It was the same cycle for my alcoholism. I knew I had a problem but I didn’t do anything about it. This time around, I am because codependency is part of the reason I’m starting over in my sobriety.
I am reading “Codependent No More” and working through the exercises. I also had the companion workbook on hold at my local library. Lastly, there is a CoDA meeting which just started up in the area I’m attending on Wednesday nights. Therefore, like sobriety, I’m immersing myself in reading and learning all about codependency.
If you have any experience in the matter, I look forward to any comments, suggestions, or thoughts you have.